Saturday, September 10, 2011

Down in the Grumps

I don't think I'm unique when I say that I swing back and forth between being in awe of and being thoroughly annoyed by people who have everything sorted out on a regular basis. By "sorted out," I guess I mean a lovely and orderly home, coupons clipped, plans planned, clever projects for the kids, stately posture, hair coiffed to perfection in that carefree way, but still smiling. One of those smiles that isn't paired with scary eyes that are open too wide and make you think this lady had some help from junior's ADD meds. Like a real, pleasant smile. Like, this stuff's all done, and it's all in a day because that's just textbook me, you know *genuine smile* because I don't get depressed unless I happen to be in front of a canvas or a computer at the time, and then I just call it my muse *genuine smile* and I only get bone-deep exhausted when it's bedtime or once a week in the middle of the day when I put a socially responsible movie on for the kids *smiling still* and I never ever get razor burn.

So, long story long, you get the idea. I'm tired today and nothing I wanted to finish got finished today. I quit my job and came home so I wouldn't feel like I was failing to be that insufferable twit up there - so that I could be my own revolutionized version of that insufferable twit. And I haven't yet even managed to be my own version. And the house still is pants (thanks, Janet - for the word, not for the state of my house).

Back to the beginning, I'm hoping to swing back to being annoyed by the insufferable twit so I can get back to the business of not caring and just being. That's when you get in trouble - when you get caught swimming upstream, trying to fit your square pegs into round holes, and all that. Then you double fail. You can't even be good at what you're good at because you're too busy trying to be good at being a caterpillar. Because, see, you're not a caterpillar, and when you try to be, you just look like a stupid human, when you were probably a perfectly nice human before all this caterpillar nonsense.

No worries. I'm just in a mood. I'll be better tomorrow. I usually am. Watch out for Thursday, though.

Quit trying. I got this.